Please take a moment to self-assess your level of pain.

I was browsing through the seemingly never-ending catalogue of photos from last month’s BrickWorld Chicago, when I was stopped dead in my tracks by the intoxicating creature you see below.  She has the shoulders of a linebacker, the elegant hands of a Hebrew golem and the open-mouthed visage of a blow-up doll that loosely resembles the dreamy Lucius Malfoy.    For those of you not in the know, the subject matter is the current version of Captain Marvel / a.k.a. Miss Marvel, a.k.a. Carol Danvers, a second tier superhero from Marvel comics, not to be confused with the DC hero of the same name.

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Photo courtesy of John Tooker.

IowaLUG’s own Doug Kinney is the builder responsible for creating my next wife and I must give him some whole-hearted praise for not relying on the crutch of a metal frame, or resorting to glue.  Even if our pin-headed hero here enjoys some odd proportions and even stranger abdominal muscles, it’s all legit and Doug seems like a good dude who definitely succeeded in giving me a chuckle.  I’d argue that Captain Marvel here is much more entertaining and thought-provoking than the much ballyhooed artsy statues of Certified Lego Professional Nathan Sawaya Esquire.  I think Doug may be on to something here, re-inventing the full-size sculpture genre with non-traditional proportions and facial composition.  Think Superman with a beer-gut or Wolverine with spindly old-man legs.  If it’s not yet clear to new readers, I offer this kind of post in the spirit of good-natured ball-busting, and not mean-spirited attack (I’ll save that for another Brickworld-related post).  I doubt very much I could do as well as Doug managed.

The builder also clearly demonstrates that he’s got a sense of humor about the final product, as he apparently gave a well received presentation on the topic entitled: “Captain Marvel: Keeping It Together“, where he explained the challenges of creating a giant sculpture with no previous experience.  I wish I could have attended and asked Doug in person about the odd decision to put the trans-yellow letters in her palms and if he’d be willing to part with her.  From the official BrickWorld website:

How a glueless amateur kept it together. Doug Kinney will describe his trials and errors in building a life-size statue. This will be an in-depth look into how he keeps the statue together without using either glue or a metal skeleton.

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On the great LPAT scale (created by Brendan Powell Smith) I’m a solid 6 because this photo definitely interfered with my concentration to the point that I had to write this post in order to get some relief.  I’m also pained because I will unfortunately never know Captain Marvel’s impure caress in person.  I once took advantage of an Iron Man statue at a convention in Texas, but it was quite brief and unsatisfying and I’ve been looking to erase that memory.

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It has nothing to do with the sculpture, but I’d also like to mention the big IOWALUG standee next to Carol, that’s a slick piece of work!  It’s also a far cry from the basic banners that have been the norm for advertising LUGs at conventions.  It’s freaking huge!  It looks like something you’d see outside a shopping mall Optometrist’s office, advertising a free eye exam and two pair of frames for the price of one.  I thought it was my ticket to identifying the builder (who was not credited in the photo), but when I went to IOWALUG.com as the standee suggested, I was greeted with a redirect to a domain name sales website.  Apparently they changed the address to IowaLUG.org but obviously couldn’t change the standee.

So please take a moment to self-assess your level of pain in the comments.

26 thoughts on “Please take a moment to self-assess your level of pain.

  1. Seeing this in person, day after day, ‘6’ is a fair assessment. Anytime you walked by it with someone, you just had to break conversation and comment on it (putting it solidly in the “interferes with concentration” camp). The off-putting proportions turned up the pain… but what acted as a counterbalance, and kept it from going any higher, was that from a distance it looked like she had yellow gloves on and was flipping everyone the “double-bird”… Way to unintentionally stick it to the Con-man!

    If/when you get to the “mean spirited attack” on the travesty you linked to, be aware that it also had a large statue as part of its display too (if you haven’t see pics of it yet, just look for the statue with the Groucho Marx eye-brows)…

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    1. Ted, my friend, ‘m glad to have the informed confirmation from a man on the ground who could actually make eye-contact with the sexy Ms. Danvers. The double-bird is just icing on the cake, and makes the entire thing even more charming, as if that was possible.

      Are you feelin’ the whole Lucius Malfoy thing? The hairline, the cold blue eyes, the untamed spirit? Anything? Did you hear any other potential celebrity look-alikes from your fellow convention attendees?

      I have not delved into that particular collaboration too deeply yet, I want to savor it like a fine wine. Looking forward to those eyebrows though, that sounds exciting. I might not write the article in question at all, I was mostly using it as a point of contrast to the Captain Marvel statue. I’m not sure what purpose such an essay would serve beyond my own amusement. Rutherford has been chastising me behind the scenes for what he sees as my increasingly negative tone of late and I wouldn’t want to become the subject of an FFE installment. But still, that wall….

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      1. Yeah – I didn’t want to go that ‘mean’ route in my BrickWorld wrap-up either, as I had my own building demons to deal with…

        I think facial resemblance was the last thing on most people’s minds for that Marvel-ous statue. I just thought that Beetlejuice had been making the rounds, and then you just get an eye-full of those Mr. Atlas pecs and swimmers-shoulders… I guess I kind of get a blond-Loki vibe myself. White bricks for hair and a widow’s peak might have edged it more Malfoy.

        An interesting side-story with the wall-collab is that they laid out their Westeros map onto “butcher paper”… the very butcher paper many of them complained about the year prior, when a nominated best-collab had used it (or so I heard). I was “patient zero” when it came to bringing that paper to BW16 Con, as I was trying to fill 2-tables from scratch in 6-weeks time. I had extra and gave it to those who were interested… the rest is history, and also fodder for Rowntree’s continued ribbing. (we still need to do that LEGO origami collab, using purist instruction manuals…)

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      2. It’s a fine-line between candor and ranting and we all have our convention demons.

        Blond Loki isn’t a bad call, but I’m still seeing Lucius and his bad wig. Oh well, maybe we’ll get some better casting suggestions for Captain Marvel.

        I hear butcher paper is the new 50 gallon drum of 1×1 trans blue round plate?

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      3. I feel like I should refrain from commenting on the Game of Thrones collab. But soooo much to say! My current LPAT level is -4 (nearly crying with laughter.)

        Butcher paper for the… win?

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      4. Again, I wish to thank you Ted for your butcher paper. It was the thing that tied Borderlands together for the other Best Group Nom/best use of Butcher paper.

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      5. Heh, I’m so used with Sands with long hair I didn’t even realize that was a wig until you mentioned it.

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      1. I see Lucius with those beady eyes, but I get more of an anticipatory sense that Johnny here is going to sweep the leg.

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  2. Well I don’t really like this style so what can I say about it… and this leaves out the only thing that’s good about it – shaping and proportions. It’s like comparing this http://moc-pages.com/moc.php/439383 to Eero’s figs, just at different scales.

    I’m getting more of a blonde Wes Studi vibe from that face, maybe a mix of that and his avatar. :))

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    1. Blonde Wes Studi? Whatever you’re smoking brother, I want some. Also, I’m sure you can find something else to say about it, what do you think of the breasts, for instance?

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  3. Oh, man, I’m feeling the pain. I think I’m at a a 7 or 8. I’m seeing Green Bay Packers linebacker Clay Matthews “in transition.”

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  4. God, shes build like a brick… house! A beautiful muscular powerful… brick… house…with complicated ambitions and an imagination that is both deep and base at the same time. I guess that’s why I love her. Shes such an impossible dichotomy.

    I’m at a 2 or 3. I don’t know whats wrong with you people. Shes HOT! And ever since the double bird was mentioned… I can’t stop seeing it. So uninhibited! So in your face! Eat these! Double birds for all you bitches!

    We gotta try to get Brenden to throw down with some counter smack here.

    No, I don’t see Malfoy, but I guess we all see what we want to see… Keith… who sees Malfoy in a wig… whatever.

    Shes a beautiful woman and should be treated like one. Even as she fires the double bird at the entire room! So hot!

    And yeah… speaking of sexy, that really IS a very powerful LUG banner next to her! That’s some corporate action right there man! Like they stole it from a bank lobby or something. That banner, and some matching polo shirts with LUG logos on them… maybe embroidered LUG neck cords for their name badges? Power house baby.

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    1. She’s mine, Rutherford, I called dibs.

      I actually reached out to Brendan for a possible interview so maybe that will happen in the near future. If not, I’ve got him in the pipeline for a 2 for Tuesdays article. I’d completely forgotten this scale he created, he does some inspired shit.

      Don’t deny the Malfoy connection, especially without offering a suggestion of your own. You’re just afraid to confront your attraction to Malfoy, look at this image and then really take an honest look at your inhibitions.

      Aha! Somebody finally acknowledges the true star of the photo, the standee! Yes, a bank lobby ad for “free” checking accounts, a strip-mall restaurant advertising delicious enchiladas, or maybe a dental lobby advertising easy financing on braces. It’s such a power move!

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  5. Keith said: “I wish I could have attended and asked Doug in person about the odd decision to put the trans-yellow letters in her palms…”

    Thinking back, I am pretty sure that the letters lit up during the “World of Lights” portion of the program… Because I was like “Oh, those are letters! Now I see!”

    As for the other collosal, statuesque figure at the other end of the hall… The up-lighting actually is what gave her the memorable Groucho Marx eye-brows. I think her eye lashes casted shadows onto the brows and made them look HUGE. Having now seen better photos of her over on MOC pages, she is definitely is a looker in photos with proper lighting and photo angle (… And I can’t believe I actually found the link to MOC pages and went back to take a look… It had been YEARS! You guys are a bad influence. Next thing you know, I’ll be blaming rowntRee for everything… No gum for YOU!).

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    1. Oh, I forgot to add that from my display table area, I saw mostly saw this statue from the side view angle. No letters spelling “LE” or “GO” to be seen from there. The only word is “the bird”… Ah well, everybody’s heard about the bird. Bird, bird, bird. Bird is the word. (Don’t you know about the bird? Everybody knows that the bird is the word…)

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    2. Dude! The letters say “LE” “GO”? Really?! I think my LPAT just went up to 8. Now I want to hit things. Starting with Ms. Marvel followed immediately by Mr. Kinney, maybe hit him with portions of Ms. Marvel. I need a beer. Then I can hit him again with an empty bottle. Anyone got a Ford F-250 that’s fully insured?

      Ha! Made you look at Mocpages! Loooooser! XDDD I take full responsibility, Hiroshima was my idea too.

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    3. Ah! I forgot the “World of Lights” angle, that must have been it. Like an onion, there are just layers and layers to this wondrous creation. Too bad he didn’t make her eyes glow instead, but the light-up middle finger from across the room is some sweet action. It still seems like an odd choice though, “here mortal, take these glowing letters”!

      I finally dove in for a look at Lady Groucho of the dragons…wow, yeah those are some bold lines but she’s much more conventionally attractive than Miss Danvers. It kind of looks disturbingly like a “My Sized Barbie”. It would be awesome if Captain Marvel hear could carry her around like a ventriloquist dummy or weird baby. Oh man, that’s the kind of drunken convention shenanigans I can get behind. Think of the missed opportunity for photo ops….damn I’ve got to get to BrickWorld. I might try and put my primitive photo-editing skills to work and make that happen.

      When in doubt, blame rowntRee, because even if he didn’t do it, he’s probably planning on doing it.

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