Please take a moment to self-assess your level of pain.

I was browsing through the seemingly never-ending catalogue of photos from last month’s BrickWorld Chicago, when I was stopped dead in my tracks by the intoxicating creature you see below.  She has the shoulders of a linebacker, the elegant hands of a Hebrew golem and the open-mouthed visage of a blow-up doll that loosely resembles the dreamy Lucius Malfoy.    For those of you not in the know, the subject matter is the current version of Captain Marvel / a.k.a. Miss Marvel, a.k.a. Carol Danvers, a second tier superhero from Marvel comics, not to be confused with the DC hero of the same name.

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Photo courtesy of John Tooker.

IowaLUG’s own Doug Kinney is the builder responsible for creating my next wife and I must give him some whole-hearted praise for not relying on the crutch of a metal frame, or resorting to glue.  Even if our pin-headed hero here enjoys some odd proportions and even stranger abdominal muscles, it’s all legit and Doug seems like a good dude who definitely succeeded in giving me a chuckle.  I’d argue that Captain Marvel here is much more entertaining and thought-provoking than the much ballyhooed artsy statues of Certified Lego Professional Nathan Sawaya Esquire.  I think Doug may be on to something here, re-inventing the full-size sculpture genre with non-traditional proportions and facial composition.  Think Superman with a beer-gut or Wolverine with spindly old-man legs.  If it’s not yet clear to new readers, I offer this kind of post in the spirit of good-natured ball-busting, and not mean-spirited attack (I’ll save that for another Brickworld-related post).  I doubt very much I could do as well as Doug managed.

The builder also clearly demonstrates that he’s got a sense of humor about the final product, as he apparently gave a well received presentation on the topic entitled: “Captain Marvel: Keeping It Together“, where he explained the challenges of creating a giant sculpture with no previous experience.  I wish I could have attended and asked Doug in person about the odd decision to put the trans-yellow letters in her palms and if he’d be willing to part with her.  From the official BrickWorld website:

How a glueless amateur kept it together. Doug Kinney will describe his trials and errors in building a life-size statue. This will be an in-depth look into how he keeps the statue together without using either glue or a metal skeleton.

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On the great LPAT scale (created by Brendan Powell Smith) I’m a solid 6 because this photo definitely interfered with my concentration to the point that I had to write this post in order to get some relief.  I’m also pained because I will unfortunately never know Captain Marvel’s impure caress in person.  I once took advantage of an Iron Man statue at a convention in Texas, but it was quite brief and unsatisfying and I’ve been looking to erase that memory.

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It has nothing to do with the sculpture, but I’d also like to mention the big IOWALUG standee next to Carol, that’s a slick piece of work!  It’s also a far cry from the basic banners that have been the norm for advertising LUGs at conventions.  It’s freaking huge!  It looks like something you’d see outside a shopping mall Optometrist’s office, advertising a free eye exam and two pair of frames for the price of one.  I thought it was my ticket to identifying the builder (who was not credited in the photo), but when I went to IOWALUG.com as the standee suggested, I was greeted with a redirect to a domain name sales website.  Apparently they changed the address to IowaLUG.org but obviously couldn’t change the standee.

So please take a moment to self-assess your level of pain in the comments.